I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
