My cat gives me a boner
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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