if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
