we have pet lesbian snakes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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