it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Randomize
