honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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