One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
