Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
