The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
