farters have to be the big spoon...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
