I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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