sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
