That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
