what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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