Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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