My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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