Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
