Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
