Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
