I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I sprained my soul last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
