I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
