NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
