I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Randomize
