You just made me feel so damn special
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
