No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
