1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
