There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
