Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
