She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
