i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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