just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
