Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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