i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
