I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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