Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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