after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to calm my uterus...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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