You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
