Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I love you. Go after that dick
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
