my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize