I hate your face
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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