I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
