You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
