Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
