Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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