somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
