Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
