allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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