Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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