We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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