Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
