oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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