oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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