Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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